Here it is, this is me writing my first blog about how I managed to drop 45 pounds this year. You can probably relate if you are reading this now as I can’t imagine that I am the only thick sister out there who wants a better body, better life, and better experiences. I write this blog and all future blogs for you, as well as for myself. If you could shed some of the same insecurities and pounds that I have, doing what I have done and continue to do, then I think we could be great friends one day. I am not going to start at the very beginning here. This is a very recent story for today…the first time I ever crowdsurfed. Gasp! A plump shorty crowdsurfing?! Yes, that was a reaction I fought hard to overcome and let me tell you how.

 

Don’t fear the fingers

Going to this festival I had not planned, prepared, or even considered crowdsurfing.  When the suggestion came up by my concert attending bestie I immediately thought of all the body insecurities that I’ve been experiencing over the last 15 years. “I would surely fall because they can’t support my weight.” and “All those hands touching and grabbing my rolls, ew …no thanks.”  I also looked at what I was wearing. I came to this festival wearing a little flowy sundress, fishnet tights, and thong underwear that were way too big. It was laundry weekend.

I immediately had visions of fingers ending up in places I did not want strange and dirty fingers ending up in. Also, I should mention that this happened to be a 7 hour concert outside in nearly 100 degree sunny weather so there was also a concern that the people supporting me might be fatigued from standing in the heat with the sun beating down on them all day.

But as the concert went on I saw people crowdsurfing around me and I became a little more open to the idea.

I have to tell you about this one guy that I have seen at several local concerts I’ve been to this year. Ok, are you ready for this?  There’s this gigantic man who is probably around 6’5” and 250 pounds or more who crowdsurfs at every concert he goes to. What makes him so memorable is that he wears A BRA to these concerts. I really don’t know his story but seeing this familiar and audacious character show up and do his thing has been a great comfort to me whenever we happen to attend the same concerts. My friend Heath says that he is definitely enlightened. I totally agree with him.

 

 

Shifting all this sass and trusting strangers

And so I started shifting items out of my pockets and into my bag.

I waited patiently for the moment where I felt ok. Then I mentioned to my friend that I went there with, “I think I’m ready to do it!”  It was a now or never moment because we had come to the very end of the concert. I’d say the band was playing their last song or next to their last song. As my friend and I made our way closer to the front, that’s when I really gave into trust. He went first, I handed off my bag and looked to the men surrounding me for instructions and support.

I trusted the strong hands of the strangers that were in the crowd. They turned me around to face the crowd, instructed me to cross my arms, one held up his hands with his fingers interlaced together so I could step up as he lifted me up as if I weighed nothing. From behind another man lifted me up by placing his hands under my crossed arms. Feeling these strong and experienced hands pick me up, and move me around as if I weighed nothing was liberating. These guys knew what they were doing and it was obvious they had assisted hundreds before me. It was healing. It was enjoyable.

I felt free.  I felt safe.  I felt protected.  And not one finger violated any part of my body.

It was exciting and I could not wait to tell my friend about my experience when we met back up at our coordinated meet up spot.

But… I wish I had gotten it all on video.

 

Being a little vulnerable here…

I want to be a little vulnerable here, the reason why this is MOST important, at least in my case, is because when I was at my heaviest I was 80 pounds overweight.

The story behind my “trauma suit” will come out in another blog. Back then I did not go out in public because I was ashamed and embarrassed by the way I looked. I did not take pictures or videos. And now I am experiencing regrets. I don’t have very many “before” images I can look at to see my progress and understand how much healing I have done the last 7 months.

There are still days I experience cringe when I see myself in a current video or selfie. But those are still pictures I take, videos I create and save. Do you know why? Because when I do look back on the older pictures I did take and see myself as I am now, I feel so much love for myself and proud of the hard work that I did. I want this to be your experience too. I can imagine us talking over messenger or on the phone one day and you are telling me about how surprised you were when you looked at an old picture and you now notice how your face is less puffy, you can see cheekbones now, the knuckles on your hands are visible and you were able to put on the jeans you had tucked away for that hopeful someday.

So, even if you’re ashamed, always take pictures and videos.  When you’re where I am right now you’re going to want those to look back on.

 

My Advice to First Time Crowdsurfers

My advice to first time crowdsurfers who may feel a little thicker than they’d like to be:

My sister, do you have a desire to feel as liberated and confident as I did that day?  Even if you’re not open to the idea of crowdsurfing, I implore you to try it just once. Be fearless like me and plan to do something that scares you and makes you uncomfortable, as often as you can. Then come back here to tell me all about your experience. I invite you to join my sisters who are all dancing to drop pounds and feel free and liberated.

 

Here are some of my tips to help you plan and prepare for your first crowdsurfing adventure:

Wear something like shorts or crop pants or even full length pants.

Go with friends.

Have a bag with you so you can take things out of your pockets. Things like your chapstick, sunglasses, handheld fan, hat, bottle of water, etc.

Make a pact with a friend to babysit your items.

Plan a meeting space, in case you get separated after you’ve surfed the crowd.

And most importantly, be sure to take lots of photos and videos and ask your friend to take a video of you.

 

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I will be hosting zoom calls for my sisters who want to start attending live music events. If you want to join me, subscribe to my blog for information about when the calls will begin.

Also, comment below if you have any fun stories about your own crowdsurfing adventures to encourage others.